I first began designing and building leaf shredders about
five years ago. The Mark One used an old electric lawn mower that I tried
to modify by cutting a hole in the top and mounting it on a wheelbarrow.
The idea was that I'd stuff the leaves through the hole
where they'd be finely chopped by the whirling blades below before falling into
the barrow for composting. It did work, but only one handful at a time, and
after seeing what it did to the wheelbarrow when the mounting came loose I
quickly remembered that I had only two hands -- each containing five, very
useful, fingers. I junked it; there are some things you don't want to discover
when turning compost.
The Mark Two was much more promising; it almost resembled a store-bought
shredder. I built it with parts from an old washing machine. I was able to use
the drum as a hopper and the motor to drive the shredding rod. With a few modifications
to speed up the rotation, the mark two looked as though it might do the trick,
but I never did get the chance to toss any leaves into it. As soon as I plugged
it in the thing took off down the yard like a Star Wars pill bug battle droid.
What surprised me was the illusion I'd built artificial
intelligence into the Mark Two. The way it zeroed in on Mrs. Fellini's cat was
astonishing. I didn't even know the cat was skulking around behind the spirea.
When the cat leapt the fence in a single bound the shredder immediately changed
direction, rolled up its extension cord and unplugged itself.
Fortunately, the length of the cord limited its range
otherwise I would have had some explaining to do to Mrs. Fellini. I dismantled
it right away before it figured out how to plug itself back in. The last thing
I need is a barren wasteland and a leaf shredder thinking it's smarter than I
am.
Now I have the Mark Three. I made this one with a large
plastic barrel that I'd planned to use for storing rainwater and the motor from
a hot tub pump that I decided might be a tad powerful for the pond.
This one is a much simpler design than the Marks One and Two, and I'm sure it will be a winner. All I’ve done is attach the motor to the
bottom of the barrel and added legs.
At last I'm ready to shred, and I can't wait. All I have to
do now is find enough leaves to begin performance trials. Did I mention it
resembles a huge food processor?
It's funny how actions that would normally be considered
uneventful can be seriously misunderstood when performed out of sequence. As a
gardener/inventor it seemed perfectly logical to me:
(a).
Leaves needed to test out new leaf shredder.
(b).
Collect leaves.
(c).
Leaves have not begun falling yet.
(d).
Leaves grow on trees.
(e).
Collect leaves.
I shouldn't have climbed the tree. All right, it may have
appeared a little unusual, but I
don't think there was any need for the neighbours to call the emergency
response team. It was so embarrassing, and I had a fair bit of explaining to
do.
At first I told them I was trying to rescue a cat, but they
heard Mrs. Fellini snort when I said it, and when I dropped the bag of leaves
they had me. They were all for taking me downtown (Mrs Fellini was yelling
encouragement), but I was able to convince them to let me demonstrate my leaf
shredder and prove that I wasn't nuts.
Lucky for me it worked perfectly first time. It might have
been better if I'd let the leaves dry out a bit first, but it did a terrific
job. I flicked on the switch and dumped in the bagful of maple leaves; it
pureed the lot in two seconds flat. The emergency guys were so impressed they
went and used the ladder truck to collect more leaves.
They all wanted to try my new shredder, and then they had to
see what it would do to tomatoes -- cleared out the veggie garden. They were
having so much fun I couldn't get rid of them. A couple of them want the plans
so that they can build their own. One is into wine making and the other is
crazy about pesto.
Funny, in no time at all I went from a code twenty-three to
a harmless eccentric to a brilliant inventor. I may have to patent the mark
three.
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